Be better

Being a person who’s very friendly and brave may never give out the fact that person is depressed or might have anxiety attacks.
This has always been a struggle for me to explain to my friends, as I always just kept it to myself.
I would go through an anxiety attack in silence; I just sit there and not move or speak for probably hours, just trying to calm down.
It’s not something that I like to talk about and for quite a while I was kind off in denial, partly because just thinking that I might be depressed or have anxiety gave me anxiety. But when I sat down with myself I realized that I actually did suffer from depression. I didn’t get out of my room for 2 months, I didn’t eat or speak to anyone. I just went to school and came back home. I pushed all my friends away and I just pretty much gave up on life. I can’t say my mom helped me out of it, she pretty much forced me to toughen up, I guess it was tough love?
But I never did anything out of my comfort zone. Sure, I’m brave as fuck, I love to try new things. But I have my limitations. There are so many things that even the thought of them freaks me out, some of which have been repeatedly mentioned in all my diaries ’cause I always feel like “Oh maybe I can do this next year” but I never do.
But this year I have gotten out of my comfort zone, going to college ALONE and talking to strangers and befriending people. And also I did some grown up things that I never thought I will someday be able to do.
So if anyone ever tells you you can’t overcome your fears, they’re lying to you. And if they tell you it will get better, they’re also lying. Because it can only get better if you allow it to. Don’t lock yourself up in your room. Don’t push people away because you will regret it. And you never know who you might be hurting by shutting off.


About ranooy

22 poet

2 responses to “Be better

  1. Khalid

    Well done ranooy

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