Typing this with shaky hands a messy mind and a heavy heart..
The first thing you hear when you tell someone about something you can’t do much about is: “Try to forget about it” or “Let it go” or the worst of all “It’s okay”
But this has devoured almost all of me, I can’t “forget about it” even if I tried, so for more than a year I basically just ignored it. wow Rana you finally “let it go” okay, sure.. But “It’s -NOT- okay”.
I tried. I put it all in a mental box cause it was never physical to begin with, I threw it away. But like a ghost it kept visiting, like a stray cat it kept trying to get in, yet.. You’re nowhere to be found. Where did you go? Why won’t you talk to me? Why did you leave your ghost in my bed, voice in my head, every minor detail about you like an annoying itch in my mind.
I’m admitting it now. I can not get over it. I’m always going to be mad and bitter and GOD SO FUCKING ANGRY at you. But you’re still someone I’d like to meet, not to argue with, or yell at or any of that; I just can’t go on with my endless paranoia that everyone I see could be you, everyone I talk to could be you. Do you even exit? Is that your real name? Was any of it true? Do you think of what you did? Did you ever wonder if I’m okay?
I’ll talk to my therapist about you.. Maybe he’ll be able to find you.