I would like to blame you

i. We met on a sunny summer day,
with sweat on both our foreheads, out of breath

you were messy curls of autumn leaves
waiting impatient for the traffic lights to switch green

for you to go on with your morning run

ii. in fall we met again

beside a small coffee stand

you grabbed your Decaf and kept on going

while I fixed my eyes on your curls

iii. that winter we were introduced to each other

I shook hands with yours, planted a friendly kiss afterwards

as I smelled your divine scent,

we exchanged numbers

a sense of satisfaction

iv. last spring you showed me your man

I shook hands with him, gave a friendly smile

followed the patterns of his fingers upon your back

a memory from 3 months ago

v. during summer, later on

I saw you again

hair dark brown, eyes still steely

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Earth, Fire and Paper.

Well, we all have our (strange) obsessions, some of us love grass (I mean actual grass) some love glass and so on. And no I don’t mean the normal (Oh this makes me happy) No. It’s the actual obsession with it, like if you don’t see it or touch it for a day, you might freak out and go crazy.
My obsessions are different, I mean I have so many obsessions (No, I won’t be talking about Twilight or bands) but these three are the ones that no one seems to find a bit strange, but I do. Even though I should understand this because they’re MY obsessions, but let me explain further. My three obsessions are irrelevant, or maybe they’re not. I mean here’s what I think. I love fire, trees and books. Now this is like rock paper scissors. Fire burns books, books kill trees, well, for the most part.

I love fire because it amuses me, it can start as a spark, and in seconds it can destroy anything and everything. It reminds me of myself actually, I may not look like much, but I’m capable of taking care of myself and destroying what’s in my way (if I have to) Also I love the way just the fire from the candle can heat up the jar it’s in, and the way it can easily burn you, even though you don’t really think of it as (FIRE) But it’s there to prove you wrong.

Then books, books make me happy, they open up doors to a different world and they give me a chance to live someone else’s life and be in their shoes, they make you realize that your imagination is able to make simple letters transform into an image in your head, and only you can see it. And what’s great about books is even though each one of us sees the characters a different way and pictures their surroundings a different way, we get what the other person feels, and what the other person has seen. We get it. Books create an easy exit in my life, and just the thrill of being able to see the world from another person’s eyes, that’s beauty.

And last but not least, treeeesss. They were my first ever obsession, I think I realized my love for trees isn’t just (love) when I was 10, I was just fascinated with how a tiny seed can become A HUUGEE tree, and the fact they grow on their own, and the fact they’re strong and the fruits and vegetables that (magically) appear on them. They provide a home for ants and all kinds of insects, animals also. They’re generous in all kinds of ways, I sound like I’m talking about a person, but if you really think about it, trees would make better humans than a whole country put up together. They’re selfless and all they do is give, and don’t expect anything in return.

That is the end of my crazy obsessions. I don’t like conclusions.


Mistakes: an error in action, calculation, opinion, or judgment caused by poor reasoning, carelessness, insufficient knowledge. Most of us try to avoid making them, but only the brave don’t fear them.

In general, people believe that those who do not make many mistakes are “wise” or “careful” but I think otherwise. It’s true that those who make mistakes weren’t aware of the situation they were in. But if you really think about it, you’ll realize that because they weren’t aware, they put themselves in tough situations and because of that, they got the chance to really go through something and find a way to get to a safe place.

Now this is what makes you wise, I mean sure, maybe not putting yourself through that in the first place makes you wise. But the knowledge and experince that you get from making that mistake and fixing it makes you wiser. Because even if you ever made that same mistake again or another mistake like it, you’ll know how to fix it in a fast manner rather than taking the same time you took with fixing the mistake the first time.

I believe that it’s okay to make mistakes, because really if you’re not making any mistake and your life is “perfect” then you’re not really challenging and improving yourself. Making mistakes is a part of being human, we make mistakes and we learn a lot about ourselves and the people in our lives because of the mistakes we make.

People shouldn’t be judged by the mistakes they’ve made, but for how they fixed them and how they managed to be stronger after them.


Love, a simple word, a whole different world. 

I’ve always thought that love was the most amazing thing ever, this could probably be because of the movies I grew up watching or just the fact every Disney movie made sure to beautify it. 
But as I grew older, I realized that love isn’t as easy as it seems, you don’t just walk outside of your house one day and meet your soul mate, which brings us to a whole different topic: “Do soul mates really exist?” but that’s not what I’m discussing. 
I mean sure, maybe people do fall in love instantly, maybe “love at first sight” is a thing, I don’t know. Maybe I never will.
But what I do know is “love” isn’t as glorious as you thought it is, you fall in love and it’s all sweet and lovey dovey and then something just goes wrong, you can’t put a finger on it.. It just doesn’t work out. Now that’s when you know what love really is. It’s more like a storm after a sunny day. Then you’re just left there, alone. You start to feel like there’s a hole in your heart and it just keeps getting bigger. And in worse cases, you feel numb; You’re there, but barely. 

You try to get over it, you pretend like it never happened, but of course, you see a picture, hear a song, pass by a place and you just feel that hole again, it comes back. You keep trying over and over again to not let it get to you, you try to fill it up, you do whatever you can to make sure it doesn’t appear again. But there’s not much that you can do; and just when you realize that. You give up, you crawl back. Somehow you feel like it’s better to go through that mess again rather than just living with a hole in your heart. But then you remember that you’re afraid of rejection, you’re afraid this hole might just eat your heart at once, because you know what’s left of your heart won’t take it.

So you wait.. 
And before you know it, somebody tries to mend your heart, fill it up with love and care. And what do you do? You push them away. You build up a wall and you make sure that each and every brick is perfectly stuck to the one next to it. You don’t let anyone in, you’d rather be alone than have to go through that again, but guess who breaks your wall? Knocks every brick down? The same person you built up the wall because of. That one person you feel like home when you’re around them, that person that can fill your heart with holes and leave you bleeding, that person is the one you love. The one you’d rather die with than live without.



I’m not much of a speaker to be honest. If I could be quiet for the rest of my life, I would.
People see me as a talkative, hyper, cheerful person but I’m not really. I think I could be the most boring person alive. I don’t have anything interesting to talk about. The way I’m somewhat excited about something isn’t because I’m excited about that thing, it’s because I’m excited I found someone who actually cares enough to lend me the ear to listen to the crap I have to say.
I don’t get a chance to use my voice and express my feelings. I’ve never done that. I could love a person with all my heart and still have a difficult time showing them how I feel, even though I don’t seem like it.

My last relationship was the only serious relationship I’ve ever been in, and when it all crashed down, a part of me felt like this is the end of it all. I’ll never be able to love like this again, but it doesn’t mean I won’t be able to love again. You find someone who understands you, someone you can be your true self with, they learn your secrets, habits and all the little things about you then all the sudden they just leave. For a while you stop trusting, everything, life. You feel worthless, unloved, unlovable. You start questioning what’s wrong with you and what exactly went wrong. But you’ll never know. And it’s better for you that way, ignorance is bliss.

Then things get better for a while, you finally find a light, and as you walk towards it.. You trip into a hole. Family, friends, you lose it all and you don’t even care anymore. Your best friend leaves, your grades drop, your teachers complain, you skip classes, your sleep is ruined, your eating habits change. Your whole world crashes down. What do you do? You lose faith.

But I’m only at the beginning, I haven’t gotten out of the hole yet. But I know I will. I will find a way back. I will find faith again; Even if I had to chase it for the rest of my life. I will find it.


It’s not easy to be yourself, especially in a society like this, where girls are expected to be a certain way and if you’re a bit different, you’re an outsider and those ignorant minds will make fun of you or even worse, prejudge you.

I think people often forget the fact each one of us was born to become their own person, to have their own personality, their own hobbies and habits. We can’t all just be the same, that’s why god created us with differences, different fingerprints, different skin tones, different voices and different sizes.

We should celebrate our differences and take pride in who we are and what makes us different. We were born to be different. It’s not wrong to be yourself, it’s wrong to be like everyone else, to “fit in” and to do things you don’t want to do and say things you don’t believe in, TO BE A PERSON YOU ARE NOT.
So don’t let society, or anyone make you feel like you need to be someone you are not. Because (in the words of Kurt Cobain) That’s a waste of the person you are.

Kurt Cobain, Nirvana


So you asked why I’m a fan of Nirvana/Kurt Cobain, here’s why:

I’ve said this before but I’ll say it again, I love Kurt more than I love Nirvana, and the reason will be explained.
Kurt is one of the very few musicians who wasn’t after “fame” he wanted to make music, which is why he thought of quitting when they get really popular “I never listen to ‘Nevermind.’ I haven’t listened to it since we put it out. That says something.” He fought for many things like humanity, racism, sexuality “I am not gay, although I wish I were, just to piss off homophobes”, feminism “I definitely feel closer to the feminine side of the human being than I do the male – or the American idea of what a male is supposed to be. Just watch a beer commercial and you’ll see what I mean.” and he was one of the few people who believed rape wasn’t the victim’s fault *the song rape me*.  I can relate to a lot of things he has said and how he felt about things “I’m not mad. I’m in a perfectly happy mood, you asshole” .. He gave people a chance to be who they wanted to be, and not feel like they should be somebody they aren’t to please others “I’d rather be hated for who I am, than loved for who I am not. “Wanting to be someone else is a waste of the person you are.” So many people took him and still take him as a dumb addict, but there’s more to him than that, he never talked about his addiction to any of their fans because he never thought it was a good thing, the reason he took drugs in the first place is because they helped with his stomach pain. “Drugs are a waste of time. They destroy your memory and your self-respect and everything that goes along with with your self-esteem. They’re no good at all.” He was a good person to the point it made him sad to be so nice “There’s good in all of us and I think I simply love people too much, so much that it makes me feel too fucking sad.” He never fit in and he always felt alienated even as a grown man. I know the story of his death and the reason why he took his life might make people go like “seriously?” but you never know, he thought it was the best thing for his family, people he cared about most. 

Nirvana means freedom from all pain and in Kurt’s point of view, that’s what music is. It’s true most of Nirvana songs don’t make sense and may sound a bit stupid but that’s the thing, they don’t care. They came up with their own genre of music and didn’t give a f**k about that either. Their songs make me happy and I think that’s what people should look for in a band or anything really, find something that makes you happy, and keep it. Obviously this paragraph is shorter than the one about Kurt. But I did mention I love Kurt more than the band.